Amo Seeko!

Conversations with Andy:

(in the tub with a bubble beard)
Me: "You look like Santa!"
Andy: "Ho Ho Ho! Do you want some candy?"
Me: "Yes, please"
(Andy hands some pretend candy over)
(Andy wraps a ball in a washrag)
Andy: "Here's your present"
Me: "Oh, thank you"
Andy: "There's letters on it. It says 'I love you Daddy'"

(on a not-so-good day)
Andy: "I'm asking you with very good manners: Daddy, please go away."

(playing outside)
Andy: "I want to play Amo Seeko"
Me: "How do you play that?"
(Andy waves arms)
Me: "Wrestling?"
Andy: "Amo Seeko!"
(Andy jumps on me)

Last Toddler Standing

Today, I have some good news to share. For the first time, Andy put on his own shoes, without any prompting or help. I came downstairs to find that he had independently recognized the need for shoes, had placed sandals on his feet, then tightened and fastened each velcro closure. Sure, the sandals were on the wrong feet, but it was an accomplishment just the same.

For several minutes we revelled in his independent achievement, while I wondered just how to mention his mistake without bursting his pride. Finally, I very casually pointed out that his shoes would fit better with more room for his big toes. He accepted this feedback, and willingly made the switch. What a wonderful moment. Now this is the kind of stuff I should be recording for posterity!

And the day just got better... We attended a Mom's Club meeting with over twenty children. Normally these noisy, crowded conditions bring out the worst in my two year old, who not only wants the same firetruck as five other boys, but can't stand to be looked at by anyone toddling unsteadily towards him. Not today! He played contentedly as the other one, two and three year olds fell in tantrums and fits around him. Today, he was the last toddler standing. I was quite proud.

40

On Friday we celebrated Mike's 40th birthday. I know I posted about a celebration a while back, causing my parents to call me with undue panic and confusion: "Did we miss Mike's birthday?" Weeks ago Mike's family celebrated all the Matessa and clan spring birthdays. The actual day of reckoning arrived Friday, and Mike faced his milestone birthday in the manner he spends most of his days: with grateful shrugs and a carefree grin. We wore dinosaur party hats (selected by Andy), and savored "40 Sucks" lollipops. We ordered House Tofu and cream cheese Wanton from Hunan Kitchen down the street. We dined in, just the three of us, as Andy played Thomas trains and ate one bite of a mini veggie corn dog.

If the idea of his ever-approaching mortality was weighing down on him like a 5 ton elephant, Mike didn't let on. In fact, he claims 40 was easier than 30. Ten years ago, he didn't have a sweet voice waking him, singing "Happy Birthday to my dear friend Daddy." Now he has the sweet, and alternately whiny, voices of his own family. Somehow he's convinced this makes for a richer life.

One more birthday present for both of us: Pete and Carol watched Andy and his cousins last night. This time Mike and I stayed home, and worked a bit on the house and yard.

I had some time to think about parenting, namely, how overwhelmed and inadequate I feel, most of the time. Everything from eating (he doesn't), sleeping (still up at least once), dressing, bathing, potty training, and most challenging of all: interactions with other children. In an aha moment, it occurred to me that my parents lost their temper with me not because they were fatally-flawed (although they would be the first to admit that they are, as are any of us as human beings), but because I was an extremely vexing, intense, and sensitive child. Ditto, my son.

Not easy-going like his father.

I'm reading The Selfish Gene, by Richard Dawkins, and wondering why my genes had to be so selfish at procreation. If they were just a little more altruistic, my genes might have realized that possessing a brooding, emotional nature might not be the best way to navigate in the world.

I think a change of scenery, a visit with family and friends (which we have planned for June), will do Andy and I both some good. I'm also wondering if I should go back to work part-time. As my grandmother would have said, maybe I just need to "get to work".

Here Comes the Sun

I have fallen in love with my new city again. It was a long and lonely winter, but a week's worth of blue skies and warm sunshine has us back outside, walking our tree lined streets each evening. As soon as Mike walks home from the bus stop, we take a family stroll to one of our favorite destinations: the park, the library, dinner, or to Rita's for their famous Gilati. There is so much to do in this beautiful city, and now that the weather is pleasant, we finally feel like getting out and doing them.

Last weekend we visited Phipps Conservatory for the Chihuly exhibit, where Andy humored us and posed in front of tulips and glass sculptures.




Maybe the sunshine has had a positive affect on Andy's mood also. He and I have had a remarkably smooth and enjoyable few days together. Mike and I have been scratching our heads, trying to figure out just what has changed in our lives to bring about Andy's mellow, cooperative attitude. After several months with no napping, he has taken an afternoon nap almost every day since Friday. His appetite has improved, and he's eating yogurt and waffles again. (Yogurt, naps and waffles: the magic combination?)

A month ago, we decided to stop sending Andy to the preschool program, where he was attending two mornings a week. He was not successful in group situations, having several meltdowns and aggressive episodes each time. We've also been missing our Monday playgroups, opting for one-on-one play dates instead. These changes may have lowered his anxiety. Although he can still react strongly in a one on one play date (he had a tantrum so severe last Friday that he threw up over himself!), most of our outings recently have been drama-free. Thank God.

This new good mood is especially welcomed, as Andy and I are driving to Ann Arbor, Michigan tomorrow, with my friend Tanya and her son William. This will be Andy's first road trip, and his first trip with a little friend. Tanya and I are taking turns watching the boys and attending meetings. We're in Ann Arbor for the Parent Participation Preschool International Conference. Our plans to start a Montessori Cooperative preschool have changed somewhat; we may join forces with a much larger organization. Stay tuned...